This week's Working Mommy Wednesday question was a tough one- "Are you the mom you thought you would be?"
When I was working as an intern at a newspaper, long before I had children, I remember meeting this woman who worked for a tiny town newspaper. We were covering the same story, something about an environmental issue. Anyway, she had a long, flowing skirt and long, flowing hair, and she told me about how she enjoyed being a reporter in this small town — how relaxing and stress-free it was, and how she loved having the time to explore her environment.
Immediately, a picture passed through my mind. Me, flowing skirt, flowing hair, writing about small-town experiences with my beautiful children hanging on to my skirts. I had this idea that my ideal motherhood experience would be to work part-time writing freelance and spend the rest of my days showing my children butterflies and flowers.
It turns out, I’m not that mom. In an ideal world, I would still be working part-time, writing freelance and spending more of my day with my children. I would still love that, but, honestly, it’s not really as rosy as I pictured it. I worked part-time for awhile, and, even though we had health insurance and I had flexible hours, my work environment was stressful. Also, the 30 hours per week, 15 at home, 15 in the office that I negotiated always turned out to be more like 25 at home, 15 in the office. The flexible schedule I loved also made it so my mind was always on work. Since I took my work home, there was no haven.
Now I work full-time, office hours. At first, I was really sad to leave the special schedule I created, and the career I had chosen. But in this full-time job, my life is less stressful. I miss my kids, but I enjoy coming to work each morning. I loved the work I did in my previous job, but I didn’t like the environment. Now, I like both. When I leave the office at 5 (4 in the summer ☺), my work is done. My complete focus is on my children.
And, with some sacrifices and tricky scheduling on our part, my kids are still only in daycare three days per week. My husband and I have different days off so our children can be home. It’s given Matt an opportunity that a lot of fathers don’t get — a chance to be main caregiver two days a week for our children. He gets to take them to the library, play games, and have many of the fun opportunities that come with alone time with your kids.
What I’ve realized as I’ve grown as a mother is that my ideas of being a mother revolved around tangible things. I thought about work schedules, breastfeeding, natural childbirth, whether they would play soccer. Those things are still issues, but they are no longer the most important ones.
Now, I have a new list of goals for myself as a mother.
• I want my children to grow up with an appreciation for others. I want to be a mother who shows them that it is important to treat others with respect, regardless of background, economic status, or even whether or not you like them.
• I want to teach my kids respect for the earth. I hope they learn to love the outdoors, and understand how important it is for us to leave our mark on the world with our great deeds and ideas, not with our consumption of resources.
• I want to teach them the importance of education, how it’s not only vital to achieve life goals, but can be fun as well.
• I want them to know that they can be whatever they want to be, but that some aspirations require more work and dedication, and that the best things in life often take a lot of work.
• Most importantly, I want my children to always know they are loved, both by me and by God, and that I will always do everything in my power to make sure they are healthy, safe and content.
