Healthy, Happy Kids

For the second time in a row, I'm veering from the prompts for Working Mommy Wednesday, but I'd love to hear the opinions of other working moms on this thought I had today, so I'm still linking up. Hope no one minds! :)

I was out this morning on a short walk to clear my head at work. As I walked through campus, I saw my daughter's day care class running across the lawn, screaming. They got to a tree, giggling, and stopped and waited for the teacher. As she got close, she said, "OK! Go for it!" They all ran in the sprinklers, playing and having a wonderful time. My son's day care class was out on the playground this morning, but last week I saw them on the lawn too. They had about 20 balls of various sizes, and the kids were carrying them up a hill, then throwing them down, laughing.

In slight contrast, there was a woman outside with her two children sitting right outside my building. When the two kids saw the other kids running by, they asked if they could run down the hill. The mom said, "No, I'm on the phone."

There was nothing wrong with either scene. The mom wasn't wrong not to let her kids go play when she couldn't watch them that far away — and it could be that they were on their way to something awesome later. But it reminded me of something that really bothered me a few years ago.

I had happened upon the Dr. Laura radio show. The woman has a sometimes abrasive demeanor, but a lot of times her advice to people is good. It seems as though people either love or hate the woman, and I don't really think I'm in either category.

But what I heard that day was disturbing. She described a daycare, with children weeping as their mothers left and not being comforted. She talked about how the children are only let outside to walk on leashes. The obvious mental image was of hundreds of children, probably dirty, definitely ignored, who didn't get to see the sun during the day. That image was so vivid that it stayed in my mind, despite the fact that I had dropped a happy kid off with a caring child care provider earlier.

Some day cares aren't good. When I was looking for child care the first time, I toured some places where I wouldn't want to drop off my kids. But honestly, is the answer really that children are always better off at home, no matter what? I've heard the argument.

I have wonderful stay-at-home mom friends who are always doing something fun and interesting with their children. Their kids are happy, well-adjusted and learning new things every day. I also know some stay-at-home moms who rely heavily on television and in actuality spend very little time focused on spending time with their kids.

In the world Dr. Laura described that day, those two children who were sitting, waiting for their mother to get off the phone were infinitely better off than the 10 happy kids racing through the sprinkler, because it was their mom with them, not someone who was getting paid. I don't buy it.  Those two kids seemed like healthy, happy kids, but so did the poor victims of child care.

I think there are lots of wonderful ways to raise a child, not just one. For our family, it's three days a week playing with lots of other children and four days a week at home, playing with Matt and me. For others, it could be spending all day each day with a mom or dad, learning new things and exploring the world. For others, it might be spending the day snuggling with grandma.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that when we make those blanket statements, such as the ones Dr. Laura made that day, perhaps we're not looking at the whole picture. And, worse, we're not being supportive of each other as mothers. After all, aren't we all mothers? Stay-at-home moms, working moms, working-from-home moms, moms of one, moms of five — all just moms.

The idea that something can't be different, and always has to be demonized is like a disease running through our culture. We can no longer disagree with someone's political opinions but still see them as good people — we have to consider them stupid or evil.  Out in the Internet, we scrutinize whether someone has their child outdoors too little or too much. We discuss car seat brands as if someone with a less-expensive brand somehow cares about their children less. We can't just accept that some people wear their babies and others use a stroller, or some breastfeed and some bottle feed. It can't be different — it has to be wrong. We use these things to define us and separate us, and I think it's silly.

I could call myself a working, often Democrat, pro-life, anti-death penalty, disposable diaper buying, sometimes baby-wearing, minivan-driving, non-organic-vegetable-buying mom who didn't have her son circumsized, breastfed her kids until they were almost 2 and is horrible at budgeting.

I would rather just call myself a mom with healthy, happy kids.